People
say that technology is the mark of a mature civilization. The efficiency and
relevance of how and why people use technology in their daily lives can help
indicate the age, influence, and even the staying power of a society.
Historians, researchers, and anthropologists (among others) often state that
the rate of technological advancement and the way that technology is interwoven
with the other fabrics of a culture can tell an observer much more about a
people than any interview ever could. This statement has been proven true
numerous times. However, I do not believe that technology alone is the mark of
a mature civilization.
Maybe
sometime in the past century as the modern world became consciously obsessed
with invention and creation, our values became skewed until we learned to
over-appreciate technology. I do not say this to spite the dozens of software,
computer, cell phone, and pharmaceutical companies that I—along with probably
the majority of the world—have come to respect, adore, and rely on. I say this
to point out that as a side effect of the importance of all things
technological, we have (as a nation and even as a global community) come to
forget the powerful and necessary things that are equally important to technology.
This
is what I mean when I say I believe that the mark of a mature civilization is
the art of apology.
If
one can balance technological power with moral decency and political maturity,
then the art of true and meaningful apology can be realized. This, however, is
quite difficult (so far in terms of records nearly impossible) to do without
conscious and careful thought and preparation.
In
this day and age, it is imperative to recognize how scattered and interwoven
our world is. Thanks to the Internet, Middle Eastern protests, and even local
trends and ideas, our world has become much more new and inventive. One might
even be able to comment that it is (or is becoming) a sort of “hybrid” world,
where bits and pieces of identity and culture from different places can be
joined to create one new and multi-faceted entity. This linked world unites
Asian cuisine and Los Angeles dieticians to create popular new diets. This
linked world enables global superpowers to pioneer new forms of energy that
were discovered in small rural laboratories and universities. This linked world joins billions of
people (including you, dear reader) together through mutual interests,
acquaintances, and needs via a marvelous invention called the Internet.
This
linked world does many things, but it still has one link missing: the link
between improvement and conscience; the link between what some people refer to
as our scientific side and our religious (or moral) side. If we have this link,
then the art of apologizing would be perfected and we could truly consider
ourselves to be living in a mature civilization. After all, if a civilization
has technological advancement but does not understand how to utilize those
advancements appropriately, what good are those inventions in the long run? If
leaders in our world today were able to simply apologize for and comprehend the
fundamental meanings and motives of their actions, perhaps the innumerable
conflicts that pepper the papers today would dissolve into mere
acknowledgements of a misguided intent—and nothing more. (nothing more means no
Cold War, no proxy war, no sneaky “economic” war (ie sanctions), no furtive
glances and hurried whispers, no hazing, and fewer broken marriages)
So it is easy—idyllically
speaking—to envision a world where this is plausible. It is a little more
difficult to see our interwoven world as
so broken and fractured, but in many cases it is—although unintentionally.
This gap occurs simply because there is disconnect between the right way to do
something complicated and the immediate efficiency of doing so. Looking at it
this way may help bridge the gap:
We have community service
organizations and volunteers. We have scientific geniuses and life-saving or
life-changing contributions to society. We even have one remarkable bridge
between the scientific and the moral: the advent of the outrageously popular
“American Yoga”! I consider this something that perfectly blends the scientific
and the spiritual because, as practiced in America (and by American I mean the
pop-culture America that re-discovered yoga about 5 years ago), yoga is
considered to be good for a balanced body and mind—and is backed by both
physical and scientific observations corroborating this statement.
So,
simply put, the world needs more yoga.
But
this disconnect transcends more than just the social and cultural networks of
the world today; it’s something that is also echoed in politics, intimidation,
and global conflict.
But
the important question is: how can we change this vicious cycle? This conflicts
and stand-offs are piling up. Here is an example: Country X dislikes Country Y.
Three civilians from Country Y break international law in Country X and are
publicly arrested. Country X prevents press from Country Y from reporting on
the matter, and only allows a political newspaper to publish information
regarding the three civilians. Country Y demands
that their citizens are returned. Country X refuses and holds them in prison
for seven years, during which numerous conflicts over economic manipulation,
oil trade, and visas emerge and grow until one of the civilians is found guilty
of murder and executed and the other two are returned to Country Y heavily
abused.
As extreme as this situation is, you can
clearly see how easily it can escalate into something larger than a mere
argument regarding citizenship and laws. And this is something that happens ALL
THE TIME. So often, in fact, that many times newspapers don’t even bother
reporting it.
But
here’s where to ask our question; how could this have ended differently if
Country Y had apologized for the poor behavior of its citizens and Country X
had relinquished custody? Since this is a “hypothetical” situation, I will
predict the results:
Country X would have held court proceedings
and found the suspects guilty (because they just would).
Country
X would hold the civilians in custody for anywhere from 2 days to 1 month.
Country
Y would send a diplomat to carefully discuss matters other than the
law-breakers, and then vigilantly and formally apologize to the press while
refusing to internationally release any information of the treatment of those
civilians until after the case was finished.
Country
X would ask for a more favorable trade agreement.
Country
Y would politely decline, and settle for something only slightly more favorable
than their previous agreement.
THE
BUMP WOULD BE SMOOTHED OVER.
The
important thing to know about apologizing is that it’s not weak or silly. In
fact, it takes a very self-confident person to be able to apologize and admit
to doing something wrong or for the wrong reasons. On a global political scale,
the use of apology as a diplomatic tool could be invaluable. If sincere, it
would:
1.
Show that any offense caused was unintentional
or corrected.
2.
Show that the country who offended in the first
place truly understands what exactly they did and why they do not agree with
it.
3.
Show respect for the offended country.
4.
Even out the playing ground. If everyone can deserve an apology, then a
mutual sense of respect that is lacking in the world today could be
re-established. After all, is it not terribly tempting (at times) to do
something that will earn you attention when you know that you’d never be
noticed otherwise? The same thing can occur on the international stage. But if
it is established that you can be positively recognized for publicly agreeing on things that countries should
agree on anyways (the right to life, protection of their own people, developments
and improvements, etc.), then the need to create a global and local identity
that can feed off of relatively petty and immature debates disappears.
The
use of the apology could save governments trillions of dollars, thousands of
lives, and global reputation. The use of the apology could save people worry,
stress, fear, anxiety, shame, humiliation, envy, and insecurity. The use of the
apology could give the world a plethora of appropriate second chances and hope.
Would
this not be a better world?
I
know that everyone and every country has its differences and its own values and
cares. But I also know that when you boil it down, every organization,
government, and individual wants some variation of the same thing.
A
meditation I did once said that everyone wants the same four things out of life
and relationships. Each of the four is more difficult to achieve and share in
than the previous one, but is much more meaningful and closer to our truest
desires as human beings. The first desire is attention. Everyone wants to be
noticed and acknowledged to solidify one’s presence and relevance. The second
desire is affection. We each want to be loved and cosseted, to feel special and
important. The third desire is appreciation. Everyone wants their contributions
to be recognized and to be seen as a valuable and intrinsic part of any community.
The fourth and final desire is acceptance. Acceptance can be extremely
difficult to truly gain; in fact, “tolerance” is often used in our society when
we could really push ourselves to try acceptance—which is much more
interpersonal—instead.
We
can convince ourselves that we have acceptance when we really only have
attention, affection, or appreciation. The meditation I completed urges one to
understand one’s wants and desires and to pursue and give freely of them in
their purest state.
I
know that it is difficult for a country and a community of 7 billion people to
pursue this all at once, and I know it’s selfish and idyllic to think that they
could. But I do. It will just take time (hopefully less rather than more of
it). However, we can help start this chain reaction that just might save,
improve, and empower lives.
Try
apologizing, just once. Don’t do it halfway. Do it all the way—with open eyes
and an open heart because you know that what you’re doing is worthy of that risk and sincerity... Because what helps to make a
mature person can help make a mature civilization—one that can be better because
of you. Apologizing isn't easy, and it's not even always necessary. But it does have true meaning, and that is what makes it an art.
