Waiter? Yes, I'm TRYING to talk to you...

In honor of our dinner outing to P.F. Chang's tonight, this blog post will be written from the perspective of a restaurant critic.

Upon arriving in the aforementioned restaurant, we were seated by a friendly, smiling hostess. All seemed to be going well. Then we began to peruse the menu. After careful searching, it was determined that there was no hot Jasmine tea anywhere in the P.F. Chang's vicinities. And, honestly? What kind of Chinese food restaurant doesn't have Jasmine tea? however, as the waiter pointed out, "there is an iced Jasmine tea available to order". Unfortunately, there is a problem with that particular menu item: it contains the word "iced".
We soon were faced with our next predicament; one member of our dinner party had ordered a glass of wine. But-and, as I've learned through my venerable experience, I must warn the wine-lovers out there to cover your ears (or close your eyes, since I suppose you are not having this narrated to you) for this part- the hot and sour soup arrived before the glass of wine. It wasn't just a minute or two late. It was fifteen minutes late. But, hey! We decided to give the staff a break. I mean, we know they had to grow the grapes, and then stomp on them, and then leave them to ferment in barrels for a few years... And to think that they only needed just under twenty minutes to complete a process that commonly (well, Always, if you must know the truth) requires at least three years.... Wow!
And then came thee rice. You see, I had specified brown rice rather than white rice, and at least they got that right! Well, mostly... They proceeded to fill the space in front of me with those cute little bowls of brown rice. FOUR of those cute little bowls. What, did they think i needed to eat two day's worth of rice in one sitting? And then came the white rice. We only let them serve two bowls of that before the table became so overfilled with rice that they began to doubt their authority regarding rice distribution.
Then, of course, the plates. Somehow, the other three people at the table had big plates, but I got a mini one. Which, I suppose, is only fitting- now it can match my little bowls of brown rice. Oh, well. I chose to consider it s polite reminder of portion control.
So, in short, the service was pretty bad. But I do have One good thing to say; it gave us some good laughs, and the eggplant is really good!!

So far there was no drama, no unforgivably lazy service,