A few years ago, my grandmother gave me one
of my favorite presents—the book Anguished
English by Richard Lederer. In all honesty, she had me impressed with the
gift with the subtitle alone.
Anguished
English: An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon our Language is something
of a well-intended humorous insult extended to the entire English speaking—and
writing—community. As an English teacher, Mr. Lederer has accumulated an
impressive arsenal of hilarious grammar, comprehension, and altogether random
mistakes. In a nutshell, this short book is a collection of all the awkward,
embarrassing, funny, and invariably true mess-ups that seem to plague the
English-speaking world.
An assortment of personal favorites:
A miswritten
advertisement: “The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds,
and other athletic facilities.”
The
concluding line of a misconceived history of the world: “The First World War,
caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist…”
A plea to
receive government welfare after previously being refused it: “You have changed
my little boy to a girl. Will this make a difference?”
A “my child was
sick from school” note: “Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the
doctor.”
To read more such lines and stories,
purchase or check out this book from the library. And in case you absolutely
adore it, there’s a sequel! Entitled, shockingly, More Anguished English!
Honestly, these are just the small kinds of
things that can easily make your day.
The only sad part is when the chronology of
errors begins to feel more like an autobiography of grammar goof-ups than the
shameful failings of some anonymous person…
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