To Those People Who Are Annoying

As we go about our daily lives, we inevitably come up with ways in which we categorize the people around us. We pass by our friends, favorites, acquaintances, and rivals. We acknowledge peers, coworkers, and people slightly higher or lower than us on various ladders of authority and competence. We scowl or affect innocence as we avoid those people who are annoying.

Each and every one of us has at least one person who is the Annoying in our life. This Annoying can be anyone, or multiple people. The Annoying is beyond obnoxious, more provacative than an enemy, and as agonizingly persistent in his or her infuriating nature or behavior as a mosquito that refuses to stop biting your arm. This person could be Annoying because they are always putting you down. You know who this person is, even if you don't describe your Annoying with such strong language. It's the girl who pieces together torn-up notes from class. It's the grumpy individual who forgets the task at hand but always keeps a grudge against you fresh in the mind. It's the young man who makes every single conversation awkward and pointed and has very little idea that he is doing so. It's the relative that irritatingly pursues you on Facebook. It's the insolent boy who insults the teacher and brags about feats of idiocracy to his friends.

Some people hate the Annoying in their lives. Some people brush them off and refuse to let their frustrating behavior affect their actions and opinions. Some people simply feel the urge to scream at the Annoying and unintentionally exacerbate the problem.  This in itself is a problem--because none of these reactions help us understand why the Annoying is annoying. Here's a hint: the answer is that age-old break-up line: "it's not you. It's me".

The majority of people do not share the same Annoying in their lives because every person is different, with different values, tendencies, and tolerances for ridiculous behavior. This is important because our Annoyings reflect a terribly large amount of often underappreciated truths about ourselves.

The girl who reads the torn notes is, perhaps, slightly overbearing or intrusive in your opinion. But would you feel the same way if the words that she read on those pieces of paper were not harmful, maleficent words? Clearly, the fact that you destroyed the paper in the first place demonstrates that you are not proud of something that you said or shared with someone else. Do you actually have a right to criticize another person for seeing a side of you that you are not proud of? Would it not do you more good to acknowledge that you dislike that other person only because they've identified a weakness of yours and are strong enough to let you know that your weakness needs to be fixed because it can affect other people?

The grudge holder is most likely the most infuriating person for you to deal with, because your encounter with him or her is always the same. It revolves around that one something that happened so-and-so many years ago when such-and-such set it off... Maybe that grudge is still held today because you two were not able to effectively communicate with one another, reconcile, and atone for mistakes that deserve recognition and correction. It is much easier to move on from something shameful or distressing when you know that the person in the world who most stubbornly remembers your mistake can freely forgive you for it. The only form of permission to move on that is more explicit is permission from yourself.

The list and implications goes on. There are infinite kinds of Annoyings out there. They will continue to be Annoyings until you are able to confront yourself about what exactly it is that ticks you off. Is it the lack of respect shown to someone who deserves it? Is it someone's unfailing ability to make you feel like you cannot reach their expectations, or that you have always, always done something wrong? If you take the time to ask yourself these slippery questions--and try your best to answer them, too, of course--I promise that some of your Annoyings will magically become less annoying. Understanding yourself and understanding other people are two very intertwined processes that you can embark on at the same time.

Do not allow your Annoyings to intimidate you. You have every right to ask them questions to try to help yourself understand why, exactly, they are so fantastically intolerable. After all, if their every move or comment frays your nerves and patience and sets your blood to boiling, you have every right to have them hear you out for a few minutes. If they truly are so very Annoying, they won't mind.

This is an encouragement for us to try to comprehend why we react the ways that we do to certain people. Therefore, it is logical to consider the fact that we might very well be someone else's Annoying. Try to perceive if you are annoying or bothering anybody around you. If you are, ask yourself these questions: what about my words or behavior really ticks this person off? and is there anything I can do or say to help him/her realize why this is seen as annoying. By answering these questions, you will become less annoying--both because you will understand what that other person wants or needs (or possibly really doesn't want or need), and because you might help that other person see that their annoyance with you is more a reflection of something he or she can improve, rather than an obnoxious defect that you can't help but express.

So, To Those People Who Are Annoying,
I personally am taking a very mature step and trying my best to forgive you for annoying me. And to thank you for teaching me things about myself that I never would have imagined existed if you had not become a temporary thorn in my side. I hope that I have enough tenacity and patience to continue with this endeavor in the future.
Sincerely,
the frustrated, angered, and annoyed girl at her computer.