Eyebrows: A Cautionary Tale

I consider myself extremely understanding in accepting new fashion trends. Even if the trend is totally different than anything I’ve ever seen before, or if it’s not exactly commonly worn, I am usually a very good audience member for a new trend. However, the newest W Magazine exhibits a fashion trend that I simply cannot tolerate: THE EYEBROWS. The Neiman Marcus advertisements in this magazine are completely ridiculous; not only is the jewelry not my favorite, but the eyebrows are distracting and definitely not attractive. And, to add to my fears of the terrible eyebrows, once I saw these pictures, every other model in the magazine seemed to have furry ones as well!

            If this trend is to establish itself—which, due to basic fashion-Darwinism, it shouldn’t—I must proclaim a forthcoming doom of all shapely, clean, neat, and sophisticated eyebrows.

            It will be, in a sense, the invasion of the eyebrows. The shaggy, furry, messy, upswept eyebrows. I shall do you the liberty of not adding a picture of said eyebrows, but I shall paint their accuracy to you in words, so that we all understand the danger and threat to good fashion that this trend poses! While this trend could be convenient for people like me, who have full eyebrows that, according to a make-up artist, should occasionally be brushed to keep them looking their best (brushing eyebrows! There are no limits…), it’s also unforgivably sloppy. While the models who were in the adds obviously had perfectly trimmed, waxed, and shaped eyebrows, each brow was carefully slung upward so that scraggly, uneven, and clumpy lines redefined the top of each brow. In all honesty I’m sure it must have been quite uncomfortable!

            I understand that this eyebrow binge is probably a reaction to the trend of perfectly manicured brows that’s been growing for years, but honestly, I think it’s a terrible trend (and not only because it’s the antithesis of eyebrow styles of the past few decades). Please, spare yourselves the eyebrow pain that harassing your eyebrows like this will give you! And spare me the pain of seeing it!